“Never miss a chance to say I love you,” she said, but I have missed them all. I screamed it loud in my head, dripped it from every pore, hinted at every turn implied it with sacrifice  but still I could not bring myself to say the words. And it wasn’t good enough.

I tricked myself into believing that it would be good enough so long as you only knew, but it wasn’t. Oh yes, you knew, and you joined the games, leaving hints at every turn. But if it was ever enough, I wouldn’t be holding on to this regret.

I’m sure it’s too late now, but I need you to know, I really did love you. I trusted you with all of my being and that trust has never wavered. I wish the best for you,  and all the other happy cliches,  because the truth is I let you go not once but twice because all I ever wanted was for you to be happy and I knew you’d never truly be happy if you gave up your dreams for someone else, even me.

Please don’t feel bad about anything that did or didn’t happen between us, because I’ve never regretted a single second except the ones in which I hesitated to show you that I cared. And if I could do it all again, I know I’d muddle through every second of those mistakes just for a few hours at your side. Because the truth is, it’s always been you. This blog is my heart, and it’s all a testament to you.  The times that I wanted you, times you inspired me, times that fear and unfinished business with others kept me away from you.

But now it’s time to let it go. Because I loved you, but it wasn’t meant for us. And holding in now can only make it worse. So when we meet again in the next life, I hope it’s just as messy and beautiful. I hope you set fire to my soul and rip my soul to shreds. I want to know that I’m alive, and the colors were always brighter with you.

I wish safe journeys, Wanderer, until we meet again. Never lose faith and keep the fires burning.

Yours truly,
Web-Weaver

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