Archive for February, 2011

Roof/Head trauma dream – Feb. 26, 2011

Last night I had a painful dream.  Literally.  It was one of those that was so vivid that you’re nearly living it, but it was not quite real enough for me to not know subconsciously that it was a dream… which is a good thing, because that’s how I was able to come out of it later.

It started with me and Carla working on the roof of my house.  (I don’t know what was wrong with it, I think we were just putting new shingles on.)  At one point, I climbed down carefully, got something, then went back up.  Then I had to go back down again.  I was being careful, and could nearly reach the first step of the ladder.  (The ladder didn’t reach all the way up–yeah, we were breaking safety rules…) Then she opened the roof.  It was on a hinge, not sure why… but the hinge was on the ledge, where I was.  She thought I was already off the roof, but I wasn’t, and by the time I yelled it was too late, and I fell on my back.  I could feel a strong pain in the back of my head.  My back hurt too, but not quite as much.  I was able to stand up, walk around, and move everything.  But my head was hurting pretty bad.  I decided that I needed to go to the doctor for an x-ray on my head and back to make sure everything was alright.

I sat at my house waiting for someone to be able to take me to the hospital.  I was sitting on the couch trying to pay attention to my body, so that I would know if things were getting worse.  My ex-boyfriend walked in and looked at me, then sat down near me on the couch.  (Not next to me, there was space for about 1 1/2 people to sit between us.)  I started feeling sleepy, and I realized that I had been dozing in and out for a little while.  I asked him not to let me fall asleep.  He didn’t say anything.  Then he left.

A short time after that, I started to feel a bit better, so I drove myself to the hospital.  When I got there, they decided x-rays weren’t necessary, because they saw something off in my eyes, so they moved on to the next step.  (I’m pretty sure that if that had happened in real life, they would have done the x-rays regardless… and I have no idea what other tests they might have done.  So, the sequence I’m about to describe pertains only to this dream.  You probably realized that already, but I wanted to tell you, just in case.)  They shaved some spots on my head, then attached some of those round sensor thingies to monitor my brain activity.  I had to sit in a chair while the things were attached.  At one point, they needed someone to do something (not sure what… sit with me?  Something else?  I don’t know.)  I called my friend Becca, and she drove up from Florida to sit with me for about 30 minutes.  Her trip was surprisingly short, as she was at the hospital within minutes of the phone call.  But she couldn’t stay long, so she left and I was alone again.

When the test was over, a nurse came to take me to the woman who could read the results, and take me through the next step if they found anything abnormal.  [Throughout the dream, I had seen signs that the hospital was under renovation.  When I first walked in, they had two front desks.  The one on the left was for people who needed treatment, and the one on the right was for people who needed to be checked out to see if treatment was needed.  I remember I didn’t know which way to go, and the desk on the left was directly in front of the entry doors.  When I asked, they told me I needed to go to the other desk, but I had noticed that the treatment side was really busy and a little chaotic.]  The woman’s office had been recently renovated, and she wasn’t finished with it yet.  There was drywall dust over everything, except for the mirrors on a large wall.  Several more mirrors were on the floor, waiting to have the drywall dust cleaned off and to be hung.  She was cleaning one when we walked in.  The nurse told her that she needed to look over my chart and decide if I needed treatment.  She gave me a scornful look, then said she couldn’t/wouldn’t, because she was still cleaning her office.  She had nowhere to put me.  The nurse reminded her of the old office, which had been kept clean so that she could still see patients.  The look on her face turned extra sour, and she said she’d think about it.  At this point, my head didn’t hurt as badly, but it was still pretty bad, and my back had become more sore, so that I was having trouble walking.  When she refused to look at me, I got so upset that I burst into tears.  That seemed to annoy her more, so she decided to help me.  She still refused to look at the readings from the sensor, so she looked at my head instead.  She put her hands on it, and asked where it hurt the worst.  I told her it was the spot at the middle/top/back of my head.  (I’m not sure how else to describe it.  I’ll have to review my anatomy.)  She started prodding around that area and it hurt.  She said she thought that I would need treatment, but she needed me to calm down so she could ask me more questions and make her final decision.  But I was so upset and in pain, and couldn’t calm myself down.  Then I remembered that this was just a dream, and tried to wake up.  It didn’t happen immediately, but  I did wake myself up.

The strangest part of it all, is that when I woke up, I was crying.  It took a minute for me to calm down enough to stop.  And my back still hurt… but my head was fine.  Even after I stopped crying, and the pain in my back went away, I was still shaking a little bit, sort of restless and jittery.  I woke up around 5:30, but waited didn’t get up until 6:30.  And I didn’t sleep well, I guess, because I’m still tired.

Advertisements

A Quiet Place

Today I had an hour free.  I chose to rediscover my quiet place.  It’s just a little bench in the woods, moss overtaking it, long forgotten by man.  When I began my trek, it seemed the forest was full of life.  I’ve never heard such racket in this place before, but I’ve never been there in Spring.  I saw no people in the forest, so I assumed it was the racket of mating season, and thought maybe I shouldn’t go in.

I walked down to the parking lot next to the pool and gym.  Most people don’t even know they exist.  Down at the very end of the parking lot, an old sign post hides in the brush.  Here, most people see only dead leaves and other foliage, but I can see the remnants of the old trails that once wound through here.  I follow it with ease down to the shallowest part of the trench.  Here I have to find my own way across, and on the other side, the trails are harder to see.  I wonder, how many people have stood on the bank, but dared not cross?

Pictures

Do you ever look at pictures
And wonder if
They are looking
Back at you?
Maybe, it’s true,
When you were staring into space,
Thinking that you saw a face,
It really was me,
Wondering if you could see.
Maybe all those dreams
Of futures yet to be,
Really were
Exactly what they seemed.